17 Jul The Ultimate Way to Discover Your Why
How Deep Is Your Why?
I’m going to explain the ultimate way to finally discover your deep-rooted why. I’m sure you’ve heard people talk about the importance of “finding your why”. I heard it for years when I first started out online. And I thought I had a pretty good answer. I wanted to help people feel better.
What I realized is that mine was a pretty common and very shallow “why” statement. It wasn’t a thorough statement that lit me up or that I could firmly stand behind. And that’s what your “why” is so important when you’re growing your business and branding yourself. Your why is what propels you forward, gives you ideas and allows you to speak from the heart without memorizing data.
What Lights You Up?
Your why motivates you each day. And until you know what that “thing” that really lights you up is, it’s difficult to create a personal brand. Part of discovering your why is knowing who you are. It requires digging deep into the shadows of your past and finding that common thread that has occurred throughout your life. Then dissecting that thread, exposing it to the light and discovering your deep-rooted why.
The Ultimate Self-Discovery Journey
As you’re going along on your entrepreneur journey, you’re no-doubt big into personal development. I believe that becoming an entrepreneur is the ultimate self-discovery tool. You’re probably finding out more about yourself than you ever knew before. I know that’s what happened to me, and I’m a better person for it.
Decoding the Why Statement
Let me begin to de-code how to discover your why with an example of how I found mine.
I started online in 2010. Prior to that, I had many years of personal development under my belt. My bookshelves are lined with self-help books. My ipod is loaded with meditations, visualizations and interviews with experts in the spiritual and personal development arena. I knew I wanted to help people.
Who Are You?
As I learned about the big online business world, I kept coming up against challenges. These challenges were ones that would help me become the person I am today. One of those challenges I constantly bumped up against was asking myself the question “who am I”? The more I learned about marketing, the more I realized I didn’t know what I stood for and that meant I didn’t have a brand I could stand behind.
This became especially challenging as I started to venture out of my corporate and professional identify and reinvent myself. The question “what’s your why” kept coming up in courses, conferences and discussions. I just wasn’t convinced that I really knew.
Challenges, Limits and Blocks
As I personally hit different limits which made me shrink back to a place of fear and feeling stuck, I knew to move forward, I had to find my way out. Doing this required me to really look at myself. I had to dig into my past, my upbringing, my traumas and the patterns that kept coming up over and over again keeping me unable to grow a business.
The Common Thread
One day I discovered the common thread. It finally made sense! I discovered my why! I had come up with bits and pieces of it in different course workshops I had taken over the years but it never fit together.
The Ultimate Way to Discover Your Why
I had a normal childhood. But every childhood has a trauma. It might happen before you’re a year old. It might happen when you’re five, but it usually happens to everyone by age seven. I can now think of several events. These events are paramount in me discovering my why.
One event I recall was when I was less than 2. I remember I couldn’t talk and I was still in a crib. My sister coaxed me out of the crib. My parents told me to stay in the crib. I knew it wasn’t right to sneak out. But I trusted my older sister. We snuck out of our room and brought back the family cat. When we heard my parents coming down the hall, we stuffed the cat into a drawer so we wouldn’t get in trouble. Well, you probably can guess what happened. This pattern of not wanting to get in trouble has stayed with me for years. It shows up now as an adult by me feeling like I’m going to disappoint someone when there is no rational reason.
When I was in fourth grade, I was awkward. I was tall, very thin, extremely shy and had buck teeth. People thought I was weird. I had plenty of kids to hang out and play with on my block after school, but during school was a different story. Those same kids that were my friends after school wouldn’t let me play on the playground with them. They teased me in front of others. I was not invited to play with the “normal” kids’. I even remember being told that if I wanted to play jump rope, I could turn the rope but I couldn’t jump. It was pretty sad. This left me with the feeling that I didn’t fit in- ever.
Another time when I was about three and it was bedtime, I asked to have some ice cream. My father told me “no” and sent me to bed. I remember laying in my bed sobbing loudly until my father came into my room. He sat on my bed and asked why I was crying. I told him that he didn’t’ love me. Now, this is a 3-year-old brain equating no ice cream to mean I wasn’t loved. Ok, as adults we know this is silly. But this need I felt to make people like me has been a pattern for the rest of my life. An event that your child brain deems a trauma may seem like nothing to your adult brain as you think about the past. And this is where we often miss the subtle hints of discovering your why.
There were more events of course, we all have them. But as I recalled one after another over time, I realized how these patterns affected my life. They helped me uncover my deeply rooted why. I was tired of being a people-pleaser. I was tired of not fitting in! I was tired of hiding who I was. My adult brain finally kicked in as I uncovered and worked through these past traumas.
I have always been an activist for people who are bullied. I wanted the kids who didn’t fit in to know they had a friend. I lead my own group of misfits. I always dreamed of being confident and it finally happened when I found my why.
We are all put on this earth to be unique. We each have our own set of skills and gifts to serve others. We should NOT blend in and try to be normal. We are each brilliant and deserve to shine brightly.
I help coaches and healers who have had traumas in their past that have created low self-esteem and lack of confidence in their worth. Those who want to be seen but keep sabotaging their business because they stay hidden where it’s comfortable. Being the leader of this group lights me up!
The Ultimate Discover Your Why Formula:
Your past challenges + what inspiration has come out of those experiences + what you take a stand for = your why!
Join My Community!
If you would like more help discovering your why, gaining clarity on your message and having confidence in your value, I invite you to join my community: Unleash Your Mojo Online!
I conduct FREE monthly training for coaches and healers who are newer to online business and marketing to help them gain clarity, confidence and visibility so they stand out and get noticed by their dream clients!
For some great inspiration, watch Simon Sinek’s TED Talk.